While I am there, it is the lunch downtime so naturally there is a lot of banter echoing through the almost empty deli. Of course, all representatives of the three generations were present so it was quite the experience. However, this experience was somewhat tainted by a certain gentleman. He, my good friends, was a beer douche. I feel as if I should explain. A beer douche is someone who knows quite a bit, possibly more than you may, about beer and everything related to it. On the other hand, they are not welcoming in their knowledge. Instead, they talk down to you when you try to make simple conversation or they feel the need to explain how much better at life/drinking beer than you are. Here are the Ten Commandments of Beer as provided by the Beer and Whiskey Brothers:
Look at number ten. It says: "X. Don't Be a Douche! The biggie--do not lord your knowledge over others--always be positive, welcoming, and friendly when discussing beer."
Needless to say, this guy broke this commandment. I believe he did this because he felt threatened by something I decided to chime in on when he first arrived. He apparently was deciding whether to order Russian River's Pliny the Elder or Ballast Points' Sculpin. He asked what the ABV was on the Sculpin and I chimed in with a simple, "Seven percent." He looked at me kind of strange and then back at Mike (the kind young man tending bar) and said he'd have a Pliny since it was eight percent. That was that and I did not really speak to him for a good 30 minutes or so after this. Then the big one came...
I was talking with another man about beers and mentioned how I was feeling like having a Barley Wine that evening, and the douche guy said I should get a Bigfoot (Sierra Nevada). Of course, I know that Sierra Nevada's XXX Anniversary Black Barley Wine is currently out so I asked him if he had tried it. He said he didn't, so I went and got a bottle off of the shelf and told him to look at it if he wanted. I then proceeded to browse the well-stocked shelves of Hollingsheads and didn't find anything at that point that had caught my eye. As I turned a corner to browse the Belgian section, I passed him and he gave the beer back to me and said, "It doesn't have very impressive numbers. I think 10% for a Barley Wine is a little low." At that point I realized how this conversation was going to go, so I just let it go but simply replied back, "Yeah but you cannot make judgments about beers if you have never tried them." I do not think that sat well with him; honestly what I replied back was said in a kind manner, and quite frankly true.
I went back to browsing beers and picked up an Avery Brewing's Joe's Premium American Pilsner and an Anchor Brewing Humming Ale. Two brews I have never tried and quite low on the ABV scale. I set them on the counter and this is the conversation that took place:
Him: "Wow, you're a light drinker."
Me: "Well, I have to be up at 6 tomorrow so I figure I'll just take it easy."
Him: "Psssh, I get up at 5:30 and I drink the equivalent of (he scrambles to grab beer off of the counter and grabs two six packs of stuff, big bottles by the way) this every night."
At this point, I realize what type of person this is. He's a young guy too, I just don't understand where he got this false sense of empowerment.
Me: "Good for you man."
Him: "Yeah, I drink about this much every night."
Me: "Cool man. Hey Mike, can I get a taste of the Little Sumthin' Wild? I want to see if I want to get a 22 of it or not."
Mike pours the little taster and as I go to smell it, the guy once again chimes in:
"That doesn't have a very impressive color."
Me: (totally ignoring this guy at this point) Mmmm, smells and tastes green and grassy but still has a Belgian kick to it. Let me go grab a bottle Mike."
I go and grab a bottle, bring it back, pay, and leave. There really is no climax to this tale. It is simply an experience that I hope nobody else ever has to share. If someone decides to be a beer douche to you, you have two options: get mad and verbally battle them (not worth it) or just simply give them the cold shoulder. This guy was not convincing me in any way, shape, or form that he knew more than me or anything of the sort. Instead, he came off as someone I would have no desire to sit next to at a bar, ever. Don't be this guy. Don't be a beer douche.
